Release Resistance
The definition of resistance is “the act or power of resisting, opposing, or withstanding. The opposition offered by one thing, force, etc., to another.”
In psychiatry, it is opposition to an attempt to bring repressed thoughts or feelings into consciousness.” Resistance is something I feel often. Yoga has taught me to refine my lens of discernment and awareness, and what I have found, is I resist what is happening at the moment. It is usually a combination of unwanted sensations, intense emotions, negative thoughts, and dislike for the current circumstance.
I have wondered if this sort of resistance was a learned trait from the tribe I grew up with or if it is a unique combination of Taurus sun, Scorpio moon, and Libra rising, or if this is something we all “have” as humans. I know none of this analytical jargon really matters in living yoga. What is important is now that I have this knowledge about myself in reference to resistance what is next?
The thing about resistance is if you resist it, it grows. The unfathomable option is the only remedy and that is surrender, letting go into it, not fighting it. In moments of intense resistance, it feels like dying to let go, like it is not possible. In an undetermined amount of time, the mind will inevitably unclench the heart you will am able to move forward with resistance not against it. In the aftermath of such extreme holding I contemplate “why was that so f”in hard?” I know conceptually what I need to do, but the “I” grips so tightly that in the moment of attachment to the tumultuous, emotional state it seems impossible.
Remedy
The only advice I have is to acknowledge resistance when it’s happening that awareness will be the doorway to your release. If you are resisting and your mind believes it is something outside of yourself causing it, like a person, then freedom is far. You have experience resistance enough to understand that this discomfort is caused by your reaction to it. It is worse because of you not liking it, wishing it to be different, feeling like a victim, or being jealous of others who have what you want or desire.
Prayer
My ego is strongly trying to control every area in my life and fighting to make it happen. I realize I have deep-seated beliefs that “I have to struggle to survive,” and “work has to be hard,” nothing comes for free.” As I see myself running in a self-imposed hamster wheel, I acknowledge I am the only one who can set myself free. Prayer is how I ask for assistance, it is how I name aloud my discomfort, confirm its hold, and try to accept its presence.
Pressure
I am the only one who can release the pressure that I put on myself, and I am responsible for letting go of the pictures I have created that this is the “way it has to be.” I realized recently I put a lot of pressure on myself, it has to do with outcomes, time, and money. For years I have had the same goals and the same pressure, and I question “the pressure I apply may not be working.”
I held pressure about having a baby since I was twenty-right. I released that idea two years ago and started questioning the picture and trying to envision my life without a child. What I found is some contrasting beliefs about having children. They are seemingly negative and pessimistic, but it was healthy for my mind to begin to perceive something I didn’t think was possible in the previous years, living without a child. I realized that I felt this pressure to give my parents a grandchild, and make them happy because I am the only child who can do that for them, (my only brother passed in 03). I recognize that having a baby is a truth that I desire, and it is not happening, and I can’t make it happen faster, so I have to let go, for now.
Stress
Stress is mysterious to me. It is sneaky and tricky at times it can take experiencing the same trigger a million times before I go “oh that’s stressing me out.” Especially things that I am conditioned to like a family member and their toxic behavior, or certain energy in an environment. Stress is also flat-out apparent and blatant like it hits you immediately, like walking into a brick wall, “nope I can’t even” deal with that person or thing.
We all have different coping mechanisms so how we react to stress is going to change at different times in our lives. Our tolerance can be high for one stressor and low for another. My functional medicine doctor is teaching me that living within an autoimmune disease is trying to manage and balance all the moving variables that can throw my system off. Environmental factors, sleep, diet, any change in the normal routine; a seasonal transition, change in work, or a relationship shift. Stress is a realization of figuring out the things we can control and the things we cannot.
Choice
We have heard many times “there is freedom in choice.” It is true it is one of the only freedoms we have. Yoga techniques help us remember that we are responsible for our reality, every piece of it. We are not victims of a circumstance there is nothing tor no one to blame that is “out there” outside of ourselves. When we begin to implement responsibility-taking, no matter how difficult it seems we can discern the things we do have control of and the things we do not.
I believe that each of our souls is destined to experience an array of struggles and triumphs that we cannot control no matter what we do, this gives my ego relief and my soul great solace. It is the difference of me saying “I created my UC because of all my years of drug and alcohol abuse and emotional suppression,” or let go to the reality that God destined this of me. Maybe it is genetic, possibly no matter what I did or did not do I could not have avoided it, that releases the valve of pressure and self-criticism while I rise to the seat of responsibility and recognize that I have a choice in all of this, in my life. I have the choice of perception, action, and feeling.
